Funny Divorce Letter

Dear Wife,
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that
I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good man to you for seven years
and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that
you had quit your job today and
that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't
even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut,
cooked your favorite meal,
and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers
later that night.
You came home, nibbled at your food
for two minutes, and went straight to sleep
after watching all of your soaps.
You don't tell me you love me anymore,
you don't want sex anymore or anything.
Either you're cheating on me
or you don't love me.
Whichever is the case....I'm gone.

Signed,
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me.
Your sister and I are moving away
to West Virginia together. Have a great life!



Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more enjoyable
than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married
for seven years, although a 'good man'
is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch my soaps so much because
they drown out your constant
whining and griping.
It's just too bad it doesn't work.

Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut
last week.....and actually the first thing
that came to my mind was
"You look just like a girl"
but my mother raised me not to say anything
at all if you can't say anything nice.
And when you cooked my favorite meal,
you must have gotten me confused with my
SISTER, because I stopped eating pork
seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had
those new silk boxers on because
the price tag was still on them.
I prayed that it was just a coincidence
that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars
from me that morning and your silk
boxers were $49.99...

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that
we could work it out.
So when I discovered that I had hit the
lotto for twenty million dollars,
I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii.
But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life
you've always wanted.
My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote,
you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed: Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this
but
my sister 'Carla'...was born Carl.
I hope that's not a problem for you.

I believe

I believe-
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.


I believe-
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every
once in a while and you must forgive
them for that.





I believe-
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.


I believe-
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.


I believe-
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.


I believe-
that you should always leave loved ones
with loving words. It may be the last
time you see them.


I believe-
that you can keep going
long after you can't.


I believe-
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.


I believe-
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.


I believe-
that regardless of how hot and
steamy a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had
better be something else to take
its place.


I believe-
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.


I believe-
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.


I believe-
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.


I believe-
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down,
will be the ones to help you get back up.


I believe-
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.


I believe-
that just because someone doesn't love
you the way you want them to doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have.


I believe-
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.


I believe-
that it isn't always enough to be
forgiven by others. Sometimes you
have to learn to forgive yourself.


I believe-
that no matter how bad your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.


I believe-
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.


I believe-
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.


I believe-
that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a
secret. It could change your life forever.


I believe-
that two people can look at the exact same
thing and see something totally different.


I believe-
that your life can be changed in a matter of
hours by people who don't even know you.


I believe-
that even when you think you have no more
to give, when a friend cries out to you
you will find the strength to help.


I believe-
that credentials on the wall do not make
you a decent human being.


I believe-
that the people you care about most in life
are taken from you too soon.

Be yourself

* Be understanding to your perceived enemies. Be loyal to your friends.

* Be strong enough to face the world each day.

* Be weak enough to know you cannot do everything alone.

* Be generous to those who need your help.

* Be frugal with that you need yourself.

* Be wise enough to know that you do not know everything.

* Be foolish enough to believe in miracles.

* Be willing to share your joys.





* Be willing to share the sorrows of others.

* Be a leader when you see a path others have missed.

* Be a follower when you are shrouded by the mists of uncertainty.

* Be first to congratulate an opponent who succeeds.

* Be last to criticize a colleague who fails.

* Be sure where your next step will fall, so that you will not tumble.

* Be sure of your final destination, in case you are going the wrong way.

* Be loving to those who love you.

* Be loving to those who do not love you; they may change.

* Above all, Be yourself.

TEN Things You Probably Didn't Know About The Internet

You are probably using the Internet on a day to day basis, at work as well as at home.
With this in mind – how much do you know about the Internet?
Regardless if you know much or nothing at all are we quite sure that you won't know the following facts.

Here are TEN fun and totally useless facts that you probably did not know about the Internet:

1. The phrase World Wide Web was coined by Tim Berners-Lee in 1990.

2. The first ever bought domain name was symbolics.com – not much to look at today, we might add.

3. The most expensive domain name ever is sex.com that got sold for about $11 million – the type in traffic alone apparently makes it worth its price.

4. In 2008 were there 215 million households with online access in the U.S.
Which corresponds to 71.4% of the U.S population.

5. Iceland is the country with the most Internet users per capita: 86% of the population.

6. There are still around 18 countries in the world that do not have any Internet connection.

7. Google has about 3,000 employees all over the world and they go under the name "Googlers".
The Google headquarters is called the Googleplex.
Brain-washing, anyone?

8. The Martini was the most popular cocktail to search for on Google in 2008.

9. Each month the average Internet surfer visits 59 domains, views 1,050 web pages and spends 25 hours doing all of this.

10. "Google" has been searched on Google.com 2.7 billion times.

Cool Facts about Human Body

-Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.




-The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.




-You use 200 muscles to take one step.




-The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.




-Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.




-A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands.




-A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.





-The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.




-The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.




-It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.




-The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.




-Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.




-At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.




-There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.




-Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.




-The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.




-Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born.




-When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.




-Your thumb is the same length of your nose.




At this very moment I know well you are putting this last fact to the test...

Thought of sharing

Two men went fishing. One was an experienced fisherman, the other wasn't. Every time the experienced fisherman caught a big fish, he put it in his ice chest to keep it fresh. Whenever the inexperienced fisherman caught a big fish, he threw it back.


The experienced fisherman watched this go on all day and finally got tired of seeing the man waste good fish. "Why do you keep throwing back all the big fish you catch?" he asked.


The inexperienced fisherman replied, "I only have a small frying pan."


Sometimes, like that fisherman, we throw back the big plans, big dreams, big jobs, big opportunities that God gives us. Our faith is too small.


We laugh at that fisherman who didn't figure out that all he needed was a bigger frying pan, yet how ready are we to increase the size of our faith?


Whether it's a problem or a possibility, God will never give you anything bigger than you can handle. That means we can confidently walk into anything God brings our way.


REMEMBER:

Stop telling God you've got big problems.
Tell your problems you've got a BIG GOD!

~possibly by Wayne Rice~

Tum bin Ghazal

Tum bin jena esa hai



Zehar ko pene jesa hai



Tum se bichar ke zinda rehna,

Hum se pucho kesa hai.



Mera tum ko takty rehna,

Chand ko takne jesa hai.



Tera hans ke batain karma,

Khilte pholon jesa hai.



Badal tere pyaar ka hamdam,

Aaj to khul ke barsa hai.



Chand ki nazrein jhuk jati hain,

Yaar mera to esa hai. . .